he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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