If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
