I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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