My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
God I need to hump something, right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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