I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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