i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
