Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
