Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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