I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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