My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
