I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
