Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
