Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
