That's when you crack a 10am beer
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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