Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
