Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
