so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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