She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
