Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
