i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
