Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
