i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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