i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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