my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
