The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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