So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
