i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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