I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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