I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You made out with two different species that night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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