Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This is not my ceiling
I am midnight drunk by noon
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
