i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
