I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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