I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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