Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
