I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just had sex on a roof
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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