We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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