Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
