im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
