is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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