I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
