thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
