I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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