this is something i pride myself on being below average for
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
