All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
