Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
