You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
