we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
