fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
