Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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