I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
