Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
